I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
