his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
