mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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