no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
