Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
MIDGETS
????
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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