i love accidental penises.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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