Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
