you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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