what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
