I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
