I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
