Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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