Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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