Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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