walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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