just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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