Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
