Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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