broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
