i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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