I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
