i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
