Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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