I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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