you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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