Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
