Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
