She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why is there bacon in the couch?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
