you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
