There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
