i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
