when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
