Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
