hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
