party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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