I love black thongs
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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