So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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