Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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