I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
