its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
