I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
