omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
