So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
