Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
