my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think people are normalizing furries
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
