Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
