I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
