i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
