How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
