I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
